If that was your dad, he is hot
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
