i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
