it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
