Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i barfeds in our rink
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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