erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
