Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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