there's paper in my vomit.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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