What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
