she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We got so high we made milksteak
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
