i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
