How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
