oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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