Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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