Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
