You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
