I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She bit a glass in half.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
