i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
