We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
