I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
