why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
