I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
