can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
