i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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