so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
