Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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