I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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