She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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