he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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