Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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