Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
