Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
