I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
