if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
