You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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