The maid of honor just puked.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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