Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need water and some morals
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize