there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
