so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
