Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
