You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
