It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
