he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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