I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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