i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
