Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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