bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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