dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
