Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
