He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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