Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
