so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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